Reminders

Today is September 11th baby girl, I know you would not know the signifigance of this day and Im glad. Im not glad you are not here, but I am glad that you do not have to see the horrible things in this world. Its days like today when thousands of people lost their lives and it makes not difference what the reasons are, wether if be acts of terror, war, or illness, it always makes me think of you. I feel like Im living the movie "Ground Hog Day". The same thing is repeated, over and over and over again. The emotions are just as profound, nearly 8 months later it still feels like 8 minutes ago. I am thinking about all the mommies and daddies out there who lost thier children to the terror attacks on this day. It was those acts that prompted your mommy to join the Air Force. If I had not joined the Air Force then I would not have met your daddy and you would not have been in my life, however how brief it was.
I am growing so angry sweet girl. I am so upset that I cant see your baby blue eyes. I am so mad that I cannot kiss your face. I feel so lost without you, like Im just walking around in endless circles. Even around people that I have known for quite sometime I feel like I dont belong, like we no longer have anything in common. Who could understand? I havent written in a while because I have been mentally and physcially beat. This grief is taking its toll on me every second of every day. Why did it take so long for this to hit me? My body aches so much anymore, its almost hard to get out of bed and move.
I miss so much about you like I always do, but today I cant stop thinking about your little feet, your tiny hands, your baby cheeks, and rubbing your baby chin. I wish you could be here with me right now, to cheer me up, and keep me on track. I still ask why you had to go, I'll have to learn that Ill never know that answer. Its so frustrating to live life like this. Wondering if Ill ever hold you, get to see you, Ill do whatever it takes for that.
Oh baby girl so much I wanted to do with you. Everyday that I wake up your clothes still hang in my closet, perfectly pressed the way they were the day I bought them. I'll be seeing Teresa again tonight, your daddy is coming this time. I am glad he is. Its nice to talk about how we feel, to be able to get it all out. It seems like we are always so busy that we never have time. The 20th is coming up, Im still working on what I want to do to remember the day I found out you were growing in my tummy. Ill be 30 which Im not happy about, but I dont want anything to be about me anymore. You and your brothers and sisters are the best part of me now. Whatever I decide to do, I will let you know, I think you will like it. You would have been my little rebel tomboy.
Well baby girl, I must sign off and finish the rest of my day. I think of you every second of everyday. I miss you so much it literally hurts every part of my body. But dont you worry about me sweet girl, I know you take care of me.
Well love, I love you, I miss you, until I hold you again.....

Mommy