Are you insane?

Hello Angel,
I wish there were other things to talk about tonight, but I just wanted to get things off my chest. You are so good at listening, I feel like you are the only one who will understand. A man walked into a movie theater and killed 12 people and injured over 50 in Colorado near where your daddy's family lives. As of now there appears to be no motive.  Its so sad sweet girl. It breaks my heart to know that there are other mother's out there right now screamig, crying, and numbing to the fact that thier child as gone. It seems like yesterday I was planning your funeral, crying over every minut detail not being perfect. I recall so vividly how I lost weeks of sleep tring to find you the perfect urn. Everything your daddy and I picked out was either sold out or did not ship up to Alaska. I remember the feeling of hopelessness, the feeling of utter emptiness as the night would come and wishing that daylight would never show up. Its a dark place baby girl, but I cannot lie and say that I have not been there. I truly believe that the only reason I can face the dawn is because of you and your brothers and sisters. I couldnt imagine taking my own life, yet some lunatic walks into a movie theater and freely takes the life of people he has never known.
I have cried allot the last couple of days. I cant help myself when it is so overwhelming that even biting the inside of my lip like I always do to hold back my grief to the point of bleeding is not keeping me from exploding with emotion.
Your daddy and I received our invitation for the annual Anchorage Walk to Remember. I heard about this day before I left the hospital, before you even left my sight I already knew. How strange it was to be holding your lifeless body and being told that I can walk in your memory every year. When I checked the mail that day I instantly knew what the envolope was that carried the bereavement leaf on the front of it. It was from the hospital, and inside was a note to remeber "your loss".  I cried, in the middle of the street I cried. Children were riding bikes, playing, not a care in the world. I was jealous, how silly, but true. That should be you riding a bike, that should be you with marshmellow gew on your face and that especially should be us playing in the yard as a family. To think that some idiot bastard caused this pain to families who otherwise would have lived on to life long and prosperous. This is bullshit. I wish I could hug those strangers, to cry with them, to let them know that they are not alone. I know this is what they will feel like, it is hard to explain but there is no other feeling as lonely as losing a child. I will tell you that I love you, that you are the light in my life. I can honestly say now that you were to pure for this earth, to be around this sickness, this disease of lunatics and crazy stupid people that make me want to pack up my family to the woods and live in solitude. I wish you were here, but I find little things to be thankful for like the fact that you will never know pain like this. You are still pure and will forever be, even when I see you again.
Well baby girl, I must sign off. I must put my anger aside to love you. I am so sorry that I cant be with you right now. I love you, I miss you, until I hold you again....

Mommy