Angry...

Hello sweet angel,
Its been one of those days baby girl. Im angry, I cant stand myself today. It wasnt a good day to be angry because it is your dad's birthday, but sometimes I just cant help myself.
Work was ok, nothing spectacular, then the day progressed. I had planned to make your daddy dinner. I went shopping for cards but everything good was gone so i had to settle. On the way home I checked the mail- it was odd that there were two envelopes, one from the Alaska native Hospital where most of our treatment was done and another from the VA.. I opened the hospital envelope and was shocked, upset and just fuckin pissed. How the hell do I owe 933.00 dollars for treatment almost 6 months ago that I shouldnt even get a bill for to begin with because I am in the military and a dependent!! So I opened the VA letter, and much to my upsetting suprise was a letter. The first sentence was "we are sorry for your loss". Ok, but as I went on it was to suggest options and resources on how to spend your life insurance money. Great assholes, it was only 6 months ago, and that is great and dandy, but the money was invested to the custody battle to pay the damn lawyer to protect your brother and sisters who were getting abused and neglected!!! 6 months ago!! I cried sweet angel, I just went into the garage and cried, hard. I have not done that in  a while and I think I needed it.
Maybe there shoud be a sesitivity class for people like me, the people that look at others and the stupid shit that happens and my filter is completly gone. Im frustrated because the first thing I will do tomorrow is call that stupid hospital that didnt save you and ask them why I need to pay them any money when they dont deserve it and to top it off my medical is fully covered by the military. I guess its just the principal of it all. After all this time, it still hurts so bad. I guess it hasnt been that much time, not even 6 months... but it also feels like an eternity at the same time.
Im sorry sweet girl, im just angry.... you should be here, I should be holding you, I shouldnt be getting stupid mail, and this blog shouldnt exist. Either way I need you Chloe. every part of you even if it is only in my imagination.

I love you, I miss you, until I hold you again....

Mommy