Memorial Day

Dear Chloe,
Today is Memorial Day and as your daddy and prepare to have the family over and remember those who have served I cant help but think of you. In your own way you were like a little soldier, fighting for your life, at the mercy of fate, but you were unarmed. I took a long run today and I just couldnt get you out of my mind, I do that allot. Running usually helps me clear my head, to get focused and find some clarity in all the confusion, but today; all I could think about was what it would be like to have you here.
It has been a hard weekend for your daddy and me. Your brother and sisters left the day before yesterday to spend the summer in Las Vegas. Its ironic because the time leading up to getting them on the plane is spent thinking that the break will be nice, what a fun summer they will have and how it is time we can focus on your big brother Ayden. So the day comes and we meet it with anxiety, frustration, loneliness, and anger. We miss them.  The house is too quiet, so quiet that there are eerie sounds the house makes that I never noticed before. The first couple of nights I cant really sleep much, but I havent really had a good nights sleep since you left me. Mommy has been good though, I have gone 4 nights in a row without some sort of sleeping aid. How sad is that Chloe? Mommy measures how good her days are by the amount of sedatives she takes. It is strange to me how my life has taken this different turn. Some days its good, some its bad and other days it is really bad. Luckily your brothers and sisters are here to snap me out of it-by "it" I mean this "funk" that has surrounded me like a dark cloud. I feel uncomfortable in crowds, around strangers and I even feel uncomfortable around those we have known for quite some time. I cant explain it Chloe, I feel alone- like I am on this journey alone and no one else could possibly understand. I know it is not true, but I cant help but think this way about you, us, what could have been.
Well my little soldier, I will have to make this one short.  Sweet Chloe, I love you, I miss you. Until I hold you again.......