I am on the verge of complete exhaustion, the weird thing is I am not exactly sure how. Besides the usual sleep deprivation, its another day in my "norm". Your facebook page was launched a couple of days ago. I am happy so far, we have 40 *likes* :0). There are so many ideas running through my mind I just hope there are those who are willing to help, to give up their free time to a cause not of their own. For right now I know I must be patient, good things will come when the time is ready. I just feel there is so much good to do in your name; plus patience has never been my virtue.
Your brother is behind me making car sounds, he is funny. I imagined when I found out I was pregnant with you how you would both be sitting in the bathtub together playing. I would of course be taking the usual adorable naked baby photos of you two together. So many plans Chloe, camping, fishing, snowboarding, traveling. All those things play over and over in my mind like they are real, but they will never happen. I will never hear you call for me.. reach out to hug me..nor will I be there to coddle you when you fall off your bike and scrape your knee. So many things I should be doing as your mother- I do not think its fair.
I am content in some things sweet girl, don't get me wrong. I have to find the blessings in this life. Ayden keeps me busy and your Nicolas, Alina, and Bella are growing into beautiful children. They adore you and they have never laid eyes on you, only your pictures. That's how pure and unconditional the love we hold as a family together. Well my love, I will pray for you, our mission and in turn I hope we make a difference. We have to- life is too short, too precious to not at least try. Its sad to think that if you hadn't died, would I still feel this passionate and selfless? I don't think so, but I guess that's just another way you bring out the best in me, especially during the worst of times.
Sweet Chloe, I love you, I miss you; until I hold you again........
Mommy
No comments:
Post a Comment